There's a rat in the kitchen...

I should start by saying that it is not that I am not good at DIY, I just have a typical male tenacity when it comes to completing a job - that is why some years ago when a plumber had removed an old pipe our kitchen wall I had not got around to filling it in for sometime.


In my mind this posted no real issue and I would, eventually, complete the job and stop the draft under my sink. This was made more urgent when Jane my wife issued an ultimatum to sort out the force ten gale which was blowing through said hole and chilling the kitchen during one of the coldest winters we had encountered in years.


My answer was to stuff the hole with a towel from the inside (to stop the draft) and seal up the outside hole with some plastic. (Now in my defence it was very late at night and this was a fix I was going to sort out in the morning). 


So we went to bed, and the next morning I donned my dressing gown and looked at the hole under the sink with a mind to plan a good day's DIY. It was then that I noticed something strange, there was no towel in the hole. In fact the towel had been replaced by a grey string.


Very unusual I thought, I wonder what that is... I mused this and then thought that the perfect way to find out was to pull the string.


At this point, ladies and gentlemen can I please tell you that if you are ever in the unlikely situation that this happens to you, I can give you only one bit of advice. Do not pull the string.

Because the string was not string and I was now (after some tugging) holding onto a large and angry rat! He had removed (eaten?) the towel and was blocked from his exit by the plastic in the wall on the outside. 


So I was holding this beast at arms length and (my wife tells me) screaming like a girl (well wouldn't you?) - the following dialogue followed.


Me - (in a loud panicked tone) 'There's a rat in the kitchen. What am I going to do!'
Jane - (in a melodic, reggae style) 'I'm going to fix that rat, that's what I'm going to do...'


Needless to say I dropped the rat in the flip top bin, threw this outside and have never been able to listen to UB40 without wanting to employ the services of a rat catcher!